Something That Has Been On My Heart

 For a few years now, I've tried to come up with something I could do for employment that would fit into my main responsibilities as a homemaker.  I know my main job is taking care of my family and I'm happy with that (and usually that alone can be overwhelming).  First, I thought being a secretary for our church would be a good option.  It's not exactly full time, but it would be a enough and I could probably work it around M's school schedule.  I'm his "bus".  I drive him to and from school since he goes to a "non-public" school.  I really hoped that the position would open up. 

In my previous life, I was employed in inside sales and marketing and at one point I was a Marketing Assistant to the Marketing Manager. My strengths are keeping things organized, helping customers, and gate keeping.   I can put together an awesome trade show complete with a customer reception. I enjoy running an office.  And not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty good at it.

When the job finally did open up, I was very excited.  And 2 days later I got the news that a close family member was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer.  That family member was going to need me.  This was not the time to apply for work outside the home.  I believe this was God telling me "This is not the job for you".  That was 2021.

And since then, I've tried to figure out if not THAT, then WHAT?  I pray.  I put it in Gods hands.  But I do try to research things. I have Linked In alerts for jobs that would fit my qualifications.  And so far, nothing has come up that would fit my "bus" schedule or that would be flexible for family members. 

Then last week, I was feeling really down about the results of the Ohio election.  And I kept praying and asking God for peace with all of this.  And one of my prayers was "God, please tell me what you are calling me to do"?  And then it struck me.  Not like a lightening bolt, or not like anything grandiose.  I just felt Him say "Right now, I'm not calling you to do anything.  I'm just calling you".  And there it was.  As much as I would like to find work outside the home and help contribute to the finances of this family, God wants me right where I'm at, taking care of these people He gave me, and He wants me to use that to bring me closer to Him.  He's not calling me to save our church, or make more money for vacations, or become a professional outside of the home again.  He's got me where He wants me, and He wants me to grow in my relationship with Him.  "I'm not calling you to do anything".  I'm just calling you".  Took me a few years to hear that.  But I heard it.  Finally.  

Maybe some day that will change.  Or maybe it won't.  For now, I will be content with where I'm at physically, and keep trying to move forward spiritually.