Week One Of Lent Down, On To Week Two

 I thought being more mindful of social media would be harder than it is.  Sometimes I forget and start checking it, only to remember, then I shut it down right away.  But I don't miss it as much as I thought I would. I think the times when I'm bored (like right now during my son's tutoring session) is when I miss it the most.  But I don't miss all of the news, all of the sad things, all of the infighting.  I guess I also don't miss all of my FOMO.  Man, I never really realized how even some of the positive accounts I follow make me feel bad.  Perfectly curated houses, perfectly curated children, perfectly curated everything.  This isn't on them, it's on me.  I look at myself and say "What a mess.  I've got to do better".  But honestly, I am doing my best.  And I may not be perfectly curated, but I'm doing ok.  And that's OK. But one of my New Years goals was to slow down and take more time for me and find more peace in my life.  I never really realized that I wasn't doing that until I lessened my social media usage.  All the noise is too much for peace.  And I didn't really realize that until I took a step back.

This is from my reading today and it really hit me.  (Lenten Reading: Media Fasting - Six Weeks To Recharge In Christ).  

Another thing that I have realized since starting Lent and implementing another Lenten penance is that I have really been fooling myself about my "healthy" life style.  There are things that I really didn't want to look at.  I didn't want to look at them because they might be hard, they might be ugly, they might not be what I want.  But I think it's what I need.  And it is hard.  But that is what Lent is all about.  It's doing the hard thing that brings you closer to God.  It's letting go of things that are coming between you and your relationship with God. And I've been cheating myself by not doing the hard thing.  When it's hard, that's when you pray.  That's when you call on God to get you through.  I can't do all things.  But God can.  I rely too much on my own strength, and I'm not as strong as I think I am.  And I certainly don't have all the answers. I'm pretty good about praying for others. And I'm good as praying to God to ask for things that I want.  I'm not so good at praying to God and asking for his help.  I always think that I have to push myself and do it alone.  That is such a lie.  I still have to push myself, but I need to ask for Gods help while doing it.  

Who would think that I would get to the ripe old age and would be still figuring this out? I'm sure I'll forget again. That's what we do. Our brains want to choose the easy.  So I'm learning this lesson and I'm writing down right here for my future self.  

I sat on the front porch with a cup of tea and a book this morning.  Normally I would have sat there scrolling my phone.  I would have missed the peace that came with sitting there quietly, with my Lenten reading, and taking 20 minutes to just be.  I think I'm going to do this again tomorrow. 

Lent 2025: Fasting From Social Media

 One of my new years resolutions this year was to slow down.  I had a mild health "thing" in November and it's because I'm going too fast and doing too much.  I am part of the sandwich generation.  We not only have children to take care of but elderly family members too.  Sometimes it can seem overwhelming, but it's really up to me to make sure it all works, without taking a toll on my health.  I can do it.  I just need to be mindful of it.

Lent starts tomorrow, but one of the things that I'm "giving up" for Lent is social media/phone time.  It has become such a crutch for me.  It's my place to escape when I feel overwhelmed, bored, anxious, or just plain empty.  I'm not giving it up 100%.  I still need it for email, phone calls, texts, and news alerts (today is 60 degrees and feels like spring, but this is Ohio and I know the snow isn't over yet).

But my plan is to set time limits to it.

I will check it when I first get up, at noon, and in the evening at 6 or 7 o'clock depending on the kids activities that I have to go to and from.  I never have my ringer on anyway, so binging and chiming won't make me want to check it.  My Fitbit usually lets me know if I have a text or a call and I can gate keep through that.  My parents don't have texting and they only have Facebook Messenger so I may have to adjust things so that if I have the sound up on the phone, that is the only alert I will get.  

So what will I be spending all that free time doing instead of doom scrolling?

1. More prayer.  Every time I have an urge to check that phone, I will say a prayer.

2.  Cleaning and organizing.  I need to do this for my own sanity.  We actually still have a Christmas tree up in the basement.  Don't judge me.

3.  Reading.  I love reading, but I just don't have the time for it because my phone use is getting in the way.

4.  Writing.  Either journaling or on the this blog.  I love writing and I miss it so much.  I need to get back to doing what I want to do and stop letting that phone take up my precious time.

5.  Learning to just be still, enjoy whatever the moment is, and listen for God's voice.  

I have a few other things planned for Lent but they involve food and alms giving.  While difficult, I don't think they will be as life giving as the decrease in phone time.

I started reading Media Fasting: Six Weeks to Recharge in Christ so I'm hoping that it will help me get through these six weeks, but also help me to make this be a full time life change.  

Something That Has Been On My Heart

 For a few years now, I've tried to come up with something I could do for employment that would fit into my main responsibilities as a homemaker.  I know my main job is taking care of my family and I'm happy with that (and usually that alone can be overwhelming).  First, I thought being a secretary for our church would be a good option.  It's not exactly full time, but it would be a enough and I could probably work it around M's school schedule.  I'm his "bus".  I drive him to and from school since he goes to a "non-public" school.  I really hoped that the position would open up. 

In my previous life, I was employed in inside sales and marketing and at one point I was a Marketing Assistant to the Marketing Manager. My strengths are keeping things organized, helping customers, and gate keeping.   I can put together an awesome trade show complete with a customer reception. I enjoy running an office.  And not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty good at it.

When the job finally did open up, I was very excited.  And 2 days later I got the news that a close family member was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer.  That family member was going to need me.  This was not the time to apply for work outside the home.  I believe this was God telling me "This is not the job for you".  That was 2021.

And since then, I've tried to figure out if not THAT, then WHAT?  I pray.  I put it in Gods hands.  But I do try to research things. I have Linked In alerts for jobs that would fit my qualifications.  And so far, nothing has come up that would fit my "bus" schedule or that would be flexible for family members. 

Then last week, I was feeling really down about the results of the Ohio election.  And I kept praying and asking God for peace with all of this.  And one of my prayers was "God, please tell me what you are calling me to do"?  And then it struck me.  Not like a lightening bolt, or not like anything grandiose.  I just felt Him say "Right now, I'm not calling you to do anything.  I'm just calling you".  And there it was.  As much as I would like to find work outside the home and help contribute to the finances of this family, God wants me right where I'm at, taking care of these people He gave me, and He wants me to use that to bring me closer to Him.  He's not calling me to save our church, or make more money for vacations, or become a professional outside of the home again.  He's got me where He wants me, and He wants me to grow in my relationship with Him.  "I'm not calling you to do anything".  I'm just calling you".  Took me a few years to hear that.  But I heard it.  Finally.  

Maybe some day that will change.  Or maybe it won't.  For now, I will be content with where I'm at physically, and keep trying to move forward spiritually.  

All Souls Day

 

All Souls Day Prayer

Merciful Father,

On this day, we are called to remember those who have died,
Particularly those who have died in the past year,
And pray for their joyful reunion with you, their loving creator.
As your son taught us to call the stranger 
neighbor, our fallen are many—

Names we will never know,
Voices we have never heard,
In lands we may never visit,
Yet brothers and sisters all.
And so we pray.

For victims of war, caught in the crossfires of
conflicts we could not quell,
for soldiersand civilians,
adults and children, we pray …
Grant eternal rest, O Lord.

For those migrants who have died seeking a
haven where they hoped to find safety
and opportunity for themselves and for their families, we pray …
Grant eternal rest, O Lord.

For victims of hunger, denied their share in the
bounty you have placed before us, we pray …
Grant eternal rest, O Lord.

For victims of AIDS, Malaria, Ebola, and other infectious diseases,
who died before adequate care could reach them, we pray …
Grant eternal rest, O Lord.

For those refugees seeking asylum from war,
who died in a land that was not their home, we pray …
Grant eternal rest, O Lord.

For victims of emergencies and calamities everywhere,
who died amid chaos and confusion, we pray …
Grant eternal rest, O Lord.

Lord, as you command, we reach out to the fallen.
We call on you on behalf of those we could not reach this year.
You raised your son from the dead
that all may share in his joyful resurrection.

In Jesus' name, we pray …

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine,
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Requiescant in pace.

Amen  (from crs.org)

To find out more about All Souls Day, visit Catholic.org

What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?

With having the two boys in college, this question comes up a lot.  And how many 18 year olds actually know the answer to this question?

I remember being a senior in high school and having to answer this question, and not having a clue to what I was supposed to choose for a major.  One parent was pushing for medicine or law.  Those are great things and if I applied myself, I might have been able to swing one of those (but I doubt it).  I'm not someone who had an easy time in school, and I'd have to apply myself above the normal level of studying and neither of those things felt like a calling to me.  I know myself too well to know that if I'm not 100% invested in a subject, I am not going to go above and beyond to master it.  

There were a lot of subjects that I was interested in, but nothing I felt I could make a career out of.  Since I never really excelled at anything (I'm more a of a middle of the road achiever than an over achiever), I picked the one thing that I actually won an award in, and even though I had no idea what kind of job I could get with that major, I went with it.  It all worked out in the end.  I always feel like God puts you where you need to be, sometimes even in spite of yourself.  

My husband and I met at work.  Had I chosen a different major, maybe we would have never met.  Or maybe we wouldn't have met at the right time.  Everything works out the way that it should.

But even though I truly believe all of this, I feel like I'm missing something.  I feel like I should be doing something more.  But I don't know what that is.  I'm a wife and mother, and I've ALWAYS known that is what I want to do with my life.  Even as a little girl, I knew that.  And even in college when people would ask me what I planned on doing after college, I always responded that workwise I have no idea, but I hope to be a wife and mother someday. 

The last few years, I've felt like there is something else I should be doing.  Kind of a side hustle, but nothing that interferes with my main calling of wife and mother.  I'd like to bring in a little extra income.  We are fine financially, but college is expensive, and I'd like to be able to help out. But I have no idea what I want to do with my life...yes, even at the ripe old age of 52.

I pray about it.  And I ask God to show me the way.  I thought I would love to be the church secretary.  I love our church and I love running an office.  But that job wasn't open.  So, I just kept praying about it.  Then a family member was diagnosed with cancer at the same time that job opened up.  And the family member needed me more.  I took that as God's way of saying that church secretary was not the job for me.  

And I continue to pray about it.  And I don't feel like God is answering me.  But maybe that is the answer.  Maybe being wife and mother is the only thing I'm supposed to be doing right now.  Maybe that is enough right now.  We still have the little guy at home, and we have aging parents and maybe this is right where I'm meant to be.  I'm not 100% sure, so I'll keep praying on it.  And I know God will put me right where I'm meant to be.  Because he always does.  Even if I don't understand it.  Even if I think I should be somewhere else.  God knows, even if I don't.  

Oh The Things That Are Going On

 Prom.

End of the school year activities.

Graduation.

Travel Baseball.

Car Crash (everyone was OK).

Broken Washer (TWICE!!)

Picking up oldest from college (8 hours round trip)

College Orientation with the Middle (stayed in the dorm.  Ate in the dining hall.  12 hours of meetings.  I was EXHAUSTED)

Y'all.  It's been a wild ride.  Good, but busy.  I have photos.  But I need to download them.  

Up next.  Grad Party.  I feel very detached from this.  I should be panicked.  I don't even care right now.  It's going to hit me.  And it won't be good.  

Pray for me.  It's just so busy.  

Five On Friday

 

5 Things that I will be doing (or not doing) for Lent 2022

1.  I will be reading Grace In Tension: Discover Peace with Martha and Mary.  The story of Martha and Mary resignates with me so much.  When I saw this book, I knew I found my Lenten reading.  I am totally a Martha, working on becoming more like Mary.

2.  I will be saying my morning prayers in bed.  Before my feet hit that floor, my prayers will be said.  That's not to say that I won't be praying throughout the day too, but if I don't say my morning prayers right away, the chaos of the morning, the news, something stupid on social media, or anything else that is not important takes my attention away and I either don't say my morning prayers or I try to fit them in later in the day sometimes to no avail.  

3.  Spring Cleaning!  I need to do this.  I started last year, but only got part of the way done.  This year, I have a plan.  I'm working in sections of the house (a room or two at a time) and I'm giving myself a few days to get each section done.  Lent is 40 days.  Why do I try to cram in all the cleaning in one week?  I started to today and I have the foyer, the downstairs powder room, and the hall to the kitchen completely done.  I also washed the walls going up the stairs and in the upstairs hallway.  That was enough for today.  I'm trying something new this year too.  I have the O-Cedar Spin Mop and I love it for my wood floors.  I follow Go Clean Co on Instagram and she recommended it.  And she uses it with hot water and 1 tsp. of powdered Tide.  I've seen people (and maybe her too??) use the same solution and mop combo to wash walls. I did that today, and folks, it was a game changer.  No up and down the ladder and it seemed to do a really good job.  I don't know if powdered Tide is safe for all wall types so you may want to do a test spot before you do an entire wall.  Our walls are painted with Sherwin Williams paint, and it worked great for us.  

4.  NO SNACKING after 7 pm.  This is a hard one for me.  But I can do it for Lent.

5.  Praying the Litany of Humility daily.

I also plan on giving more to the local food pantry.  Our budget will determine what that looks like.

So that's it.  That's what I'm doing for Lent 2022.  I think it's totally doable and I'm praying that it brings me closer to God.

What are you doing this year for Lent? 

Wednesday Words

 

Trying Times and Just Trying To Get Through

It's officially Autumn.  This is one of my favorite seasons.  I love the beautiful fall colors.  This year is different for many reasons.  

Thanks to Covid, there aren't any fall festivals this year.  Obviously I understand why, but it's still a bit sad.  And even if they weren't cancelled, we would not attend during this time anyway.

This is also our first year in 4 years without high school football.  I thought I would miss it more than I do.  I do miss seeing my son in his uniform, but I am glad to have my Friday nights back.

And speaking of that son, he is now at Miami University and I miss him terribly.  They went back late due to Covid so while I do miss him, I am also happy that he is there and able to get on with his life.  It's hard on the kids to have so much put on hold.  I worry about his health, but so far he has been tested for Covid twice and has been fine.  Much prayers going up that things stay that way.

The other boys are still in school.  I wasn't sure how long the schools would stay open, but we have not had a significant surge in Covid cases so far, so they are plodding along.  I pray that it stays this way also.

All of my fall decorations are up.  Now if I could just get this house in order.  I was on a good track, but got sidelined by not feeling well (not Covid) so I'm back to square one.  Next week looks to be very busy, and then I have jury duty the last 2 weeks in October.  I am not looking forward to that.  But I was able to get out of it the last two times I was put on jury duty so this time I'm all in.  

I hesitate to even mention the election.  All I'm going to say that I'm praying fervently every day for our country.  And no matter what happens, I know that God is still in control.

I Don't Know What Day It Is

I'm not really sure what day this is of the quarantine.  Day 18-19-20?  I just know that we are following the "Stay At Home" order from Governor Mike DeWine and we have been Distance Learning for almost 2 weeks now.  So I think that means we've been social distancing for 18 days but it's all such a blur.

Distance learning is going fine.  I could do better, but we are doing ok.  I set up a schedule for the seven year old today so he's not playing Nintendo Switch for 12 hours a day.  But it's hard.  What else is there to do?  It's sunny and 55 today but it's been cold and rainy the last several days.  Even today, it's so windy that I felt like I was walking through a wind storm on my daily walk.

The daily walk.  The daily walk is my saving grace.  I don't know what I'd do without that little reprieve.  I need that to clear my head and try to keep my stress levels down.  I have to keep reminding myself to "put it in God's hands".  But I do better at some times vs. others.  I'm trying.

The high school has the older boys on a pretty good schedule and I don't really need to do much there.  But I know the separation from friends is very difficult for them.  It's especially difficult because not people are following the social distancing guide lines.  That makes me the "bad" guy because I will not yield on this issue.  I wish I could fix this for them and make it better, but it's out of my hands and clearly in Gods.


Even more difficult then social distancing is keeping them in food.  I do not want to set foot into a grocery store if I don't have to.  I've been trying to use pick up or Instacart delivery.  I don't like the fact that Instacart adds $30-40 dollars to my weekly grocery bill with fees and tips but I really don't like exposing my family to the corona virus either by visiting stores which appear to be packed every day.  We are fine on food and there is no issue there, except that I have to shop weekly and the amount that I'm spending is causing me massive stress.  But these boys can eat!  And I don't know what to do.

I miss church.  I miss mass.  I miss receiving the Eucharist.  We are a little over one week away from Easter and I can't wrap my brain around the fact we will not have Easter Sunday service.  We are watching mass on YouTube, but it's a small consolation.

I'm not even going to touch on the fact that I have a high school senior this year and prom, graduation, even college in the fall are all in jeopardy.

I am thankful that right now, we are all healthy.  We have a safe home, food, and I scored some toilet paper from Amazon the other day.  We have each other (even if a child who shall remain nameless is mad at me right now).  Our extended family seems to be healthy (even if they are putting themselves at risk by not following the social distancing requirements as well as they should be).  I'm thankful that spring is on it's way and not winter.  At least we'll be able to get outside on a regular basis soon enough.  I'm thankful that we have this time together.  It's uninterrupted and that 's what I had wished for (less sports, more family time).

So for right now I'm going to focus on all the positive (and I'm going to stop on-line shopping so much).  I'm asking God to protect all of us and if you are reading this, that includes you.

I Need Some Extra Grace Today

I had to do something really hard today.  Something that I didn't want to do, but that I feel is best for our family.  It was hard for me because it directly affected someone else and this persons livelihood.  That made it 1000 times harder.

I didn't come to this conclusion easily.  It took a year of discernment.  It took a year of trying to come up with a better solution.  I've prayed on this.  I've asked God to show me the way.  And I think this is ultimately what I need to do.

But that doesn't make it any easier (for either of us).  And it doesn't remove the sting.  I'm still praying on this and praying that God gives the other person something so much better.

But I feel like I've hit her with a ton of bricks that she wasn't expecting.  And it's making me very sad.

I know this is the right thing for us.  I just wish I could have come up with a better way.

Please keep her in your prayers.  And say a prayer for me too.